this is probably almost impossible to read .. the font/background combination is a mess.. i really don't care right now though.. because i'm doing this for me. it's strange..reverting back to this.. I haven't visited this compartment of my life for quite some time and I'm okay with that. --but here I am again... so go ahead.. pull up a chair. Today someone was talking to me.. well.. more like talking "at" me..about the "chapters of your life"---and there i was, sitting, feeding my new repulsive habit of cheiwing too many pieces of off-brand watermelon gum-- listening.. they weren't really invested all too much in what they were saying..but I was hanging onto every word. Then I realized.. I'm not sure I buy into that 'chapter' stuff... life doesn't have chapters, because life isn't anything like a book. books are easy. a steady progression of reading and turning..reading and turning... methodical and easy.. they don't ask anything of you. life's nothing like that. this is the part where i say what life is like. or perhaps what life is supposed to be like. or maybe what i wish life were like. but i don't know say that.... you're swimming.. it's wonderful.. something rhythmic and fluid..shouldn't even be possible..but you don't care.. because do you ever care that something shouldn't be possible when you're the one it's happening to? but then.. all the sudden the water's gone. just gone. you keep going through all the same motions.. flailing your arms.. kicking... a crowd gathers to watch the absolute scene your making.. you curl up into a ball and begin to cry.. pitifully.. feeling sorry and confused--- what now, without the water? then.. once you're completely spent.. once your thoughts have taken so many wrong turns you're back where you started.. then something occurs to you... no..saying it "occurs" is giving yourself too much credit.... it's as if God is standing there with a lunchboard over his shoulders that reads "GET UP" and you think... absolutely not. i'm a mess. look at me. i'm soaking wet, in a swimsuit..and what's more.. swimming is all I know how to do... and for crying out loud.. i'm GOOD AT IT but still..he's standing there... "GET UP" and you do.. or you start to at least.. it's awkward at first... and your balance is questionable.. but you're standing now.. and you realize that perhaps you're something outside of the water.. perhaps even though the water's gone.. you can move. you can run. you can walk. you can skip. you can leap.... you'll have to learn all of those things of course..because swimming is all you know... but getting up was the hard thing... now you just have to move. | 